There is nothing better to keep my mind off all the tough stuff going on than planning. So we are planning away! The focus has switched from baby to wedding... mostly because we need to find out the gender of the baby (though I am quite sure it's a boy) before we continue buying things. I've gotten some great deals on clothes, 50% off sales and a $200 rocker from amazon for $60!
BUT... the wedding is schedule for January 24 (right now, there is a small chance that could change), so that needs to be planned ASAP. We plan on having less than 30 people in attendance, and then doing a party for the whole family once the baby is born (May).
Today I spent most of the day on the phone with my sister and my Mom, looking up dresses and invitations and colors and cakes... this has never been so much fun! I plan on doing the invitations myself, and the colors of the wedding will be chocolate brown and light blue. Caitlin and I found some dresses today that will look nice for her as my Maid of Honor. I still haven't found my dress... to be honest I would be happy with a simple and elegant ivory gown that makes my pregnant belly look pretty! Josh is going to wear a brown suit, and we've begun looking at those for him. Blue accents too :)
We've also gotten some good news, he will be home in 16 days, very worst case scenario! Then we'll begin our novel, and make millions!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Well, best news ever today! Josh finally got the information that he is coming home! And the Army is not going to get him in trouble, of course because there was never anything actually there in the first place. My stuff still hasn't come back, but I am quite sure that it will be the same.
Goodbye stupid Army, hello real world!!
So Josh will be home in just a few weeks, then we'll move far away from all this toxicity.
I cannot wait!
Goodbye stupid Army, hello real world!!
So Josh will be home in just a few weeks, then we'll move far away from all this toxicity.
I cannot wait!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
So my energy is finally returning! YAY!
I attribute this to several things... or possibilities I guess. One is that I have entered my second trimester, and that tends to help with the exhaustion. I've had some insomnia too, which has not helped how tired I've felt for weeks and weeks. I know that women in this time frame start feeling an upswing.
Also, yesterday I went to a psychic. After explaining many interesting (if not a bit eerie!) things to me, she said that I needed to cleanse my aura because it was a bit dark. She said there were a lot of people who were having negative thoughts and feelings about Josh and I (this was not a surprise to me) and that was affecting how I felt on a day to day basis. She said that it was important for me/us to let go of that before we can move on and be successful. Which she did see. And I believe that.
I am burning a purity candle as part of this cleansing. I don't know if this is some odd coincidence or not, but it certainly seems to be working. I just like being around it. It is burning so slowly compared to any other candle, and I have to let it go until it burns all the way down and goes out. I think it must have a lot of work to do, so it has to take its time!
She also said that she believed I was having a boy too! So little Sawyer James it is! I already call him that, in my belly. He's growing from an apple to an avocado this week! Wow... it's so very amazing.
I'm still working diligently away on his blanket. I am still glad I chose green, it's lovely and maybe it will be his favorite color too! I spent most of the day baking cookies and brownies for Josh! From scratch! Hooray for energy!
I attribute this to several things... or possibilities I guess. One is that I have entered my second trimester, and that tends to help with the exhaustion. I've had some insomnia too, which has not helped how tired I've felt for weeks and weeks. I know that women in this time frame start feeling an upswing.
Also, yesterday I went to a psychic. After explaining many interesting (if not a bit eerie!) things to me, she said that I needed to cleanse my aura because it was a bit dark. She said there were a lot of people who were having negative thoughts and feelings about Josh and I (this was not a surprise to me) and that was affecting how I felt on a day to day basis. She said that it was important for me/us to let go of that before we can move on and be successful. Which she did see. And I believe that.
I am burning a purity candle as part of this cleansing. I don't know if this is some odd coincidence or not, but it certainly seems to be working. I just like being around it. It is burning so slowly compared to any other candle, and I have to let it go until it burns all the way down and goes out. I think it must have a lot of work to do, so it has to take its time!
She also said that she believed I was having a boy too! So little Sawyer James it is! I already call him that, in my belly. He's growing from an apple to an avocado this week! Wow... it's so very amazing.
I'm still working diligently away on his blanket. I am still glad I chose green, it's lovely and maybe it will be his favorite color too! I spent most of the day baking cookies and brownies for Josh! From scratch! Hooray for energy!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
project for the baybay!
Ventured out of the house today to head to Joanne's, one of my favorite places. I always get these sort of crafter delusions of grandeur, where I believe I could easily begin making everything the store might have to offer. Once pulling myself away from the quilting supplies (something I've never done), I spent loads of time looking for the perfect pattern and colors for the baby blanket.
I found a lovely limey green color, which I am going to knit with some patches of white. The pattern calls for a number of squares to be knit and then sewn together with a darning needle, so the blanket will be mostly green with some white. I picked up a book with loads of "easy" baby patterns for sweaters and booties and socks... for when I am more pregnant, and more adventurous!
No other real news, except I have managed to get the dishwasher working again! Yay! And I made a list of things to organize by day, hoping that will make this task of pulling together our apartment less overwhelming. I have made myself promise not to buy decorations until I can actually SEE the far wall through the boxes and piles of Army crap.
The Army certainly has no limit to the amount of crap they are dishing out these days. But I suppose that's all I have to say about that (in my best Forrest Gump voice).
I found a lovely limey green color, which I am going to knit with some patches of white. The pattern calls for a number of squares to be knit and then sewn together with a darning needle, so the blanket will be mostly green with some white. I picked up a book with loads of "easy" baby patterns for sweaters and booties and socks... for when I am more pregnant, and more adventurous!
No other real news, except I have managed to get the dishwasher working again! Yay! And I made a list of things to organize by day, hoping that will make this task of pulling together our apartment less overwhelming. I have made myself promise not to buy decorations until I can actually SEE the far wall through the boxes and piles of Army crap.
The Army certainly has no limit to the amount of crap they are dishing out these days. But I suppose that's all I have to say about that (in my best Forrest Gump voice).
Saturday, November 1, 2008
reevaluations
Okay. So I've decided that being pregnant and at home sick by myself seemed like as good a time as any to begin knitting baby things. I have none of the right yarn for this, and have taken out several starts to a blanket. I plan on going to the craft store and getting more yarn and patterns tomorrow. If I feel up to it.
Regarding my last post, I still haven't found the motivation to write about everything that's happened to us. I suppose with Josh still gone, and the unknowing that hangs over us right now, I'm not willing to put everything out just yet.
Or maybe the lack of overall motivation I have felt due to pregnancy the last few weeks has something to do with it!
One recent victory was the finalization of Josh's endless divorce. I have never seen someone so bitter as his ex... dragging things out just for the sake of dragging them out, trying to get more money. Ugh. BUT... the good news is that it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off the shoulders of us both.
I've been trying to inspire my inner pregnant psychic to tell me when we will have resolve to the other court case and Josh's homecoming. I think that desire for things to be finished may override anything that might be considered psychic!
I do, however, believe our baby is a boy... won't find out until December though!
Regarding my last post, I still haven't found the motivation to write about everything that's happened to us. I suppose with Josh still gone, and the unknowing that hangs over us right now, I'm not willing to put everything out just yet.
Or maybe the lack of overall motivation I have felt due to pregnancy the last few weeks has something to do with it!
One recent victory was the finalization of Josh's endless divorce. I have never seen someone so bitter as his ex... dragging things out just for the sake of dragging them out, trying to get more money. Ugh. BUT... the good news is that it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off the shoulders of us both.
I've been trying to inspire my inner pregnant psychic to tell me when we will have resolve to the other court case and Josh's homecoming. I think that desire for things to be finished may override anything that might be considered psychic!
I do, however, believe our baby is a boy... won't find out until December though!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
i don't blog
ever... i really don't. i don't know why i'm doing this, other than that over the past year, i have felt time and time again that i really should be writing all of this down. this, meaning, this life of ours. me, and josh, and now our baby (recent addition!).
i've felt consumed at times by the fact that since josh and i met, all we've ever wanted was to make one another happy, and lead a pure life. together. simple, one would think. right. the chain of events following our meeting (and chain of questions regarding the reality of fate) have been astounding to me. my dad says i should write a book. i figure this is a start. not that i would ever forget, not one moment of my life with josh has been lost, but it is A LOT to write down.
i'm not quite ready to begin yet. only to say that i'll start this soon, before the baby comes and while i still have the time. well, and also to say that we have to catch a break soon. i've wondered recently just how many people in the world are so unhappy, that nothing satisfies them unless they see everyone else around them pulled down by their misery. bitter, sad, lonely people. via public forum, i say thank you for making this the strongest relationship possible. i hope you find this someday. i hope you find this and it makes it that much more difficult for you to deny your existence is infinitely plagued by your inability to live your life peacefully and let others be happy. that's a sad and miserable way to live. to be.
sadder yet, i wish i could direct all of that toward one person. unfortunately, there are numerous. so, if you are reading this, and you think (even a little bit, in the back of your mind) that i may be talking about you, i surely am. say what you want, it is you who has empowered me to allow myself this happiness, and to have the ability to make someone else happier than they've ever been.
after being forced into silence for so long because the bitterness and ugliness of all of these people, i'm well on my way to regaining my voice. i'm not sorry, for anything. i have no regrets. i don't wish things to be otherwise. i have an amazing, wonderful life. so thank you.
i've felt consumed at times by the fact that since josh and i met, all we've ever wanted was to make one another happy, and lead a pure life. together. simple, one would think. right. the chain of events following our meeting (and chain of questions regarding the reality of fate) have been astounding to me. my dad says i should write a book. i figure this is a start. not that i would ever forget, not one moment of my life with josh has been lost, but it is A LOT to write down.
i'm not quite ready to begin yet. only to say that i'll start this soon, before the baby comes and while i still have the time. well, and also to say that we have to catch a break soon. i've wondered recently just how many people in the world are so unhappy, that nothing satisfies them unless they see everyone else around them pulled down by their misery. bitter, sad, lonely people. via public forum, i say thank you for making this the strongest relationship possible. i hope you find this someday. i hope you find this and it makes it that much more difficult for you to deny your existence is infinitely plagued by your inability to live your life peacefully and let others be happy. that's a sad and miserable way to live. to be.
sadder yet, i wish i could direct all of that toward one person. unfortunately, there are numerous. so, if you are reading this, and you think (even a little bit, in the back of your mind) that i may be talking about you, i surely am. say what you want, it is you who has empowered me to allow myself this happiness, and to have the ability to make someone else happier than they've ever been.
after being forced into silence for so long because the bitterness and ugliness of all of these people, i'm well on my way to regaining my voice. i'm not sorry, for anything. i have no regrets. i don't wish things to be otherwise. i have an amazing, wonderful life. so thank you.
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